One of my favorite song is “Lucky” sung by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Its lyrics says, “Lucky I’m in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again” Yes, I guess our best lover is our best friend. No doubt of that. Many of us reverse it by pursue a ‘friendship’ for the sake of knowing someone with a romantic possibility. No wonder, when it ends up not in mutual feeling, the ‘friendship’ ends too. It is such a rare thing to maintain friendship between man and woman with pure intention, yet when it happens, it will be a blast J
A friend that turns to lover should not be intended from the beginning of relationship. It should be natural and mutual. The Lord teaches us to treat our opposite sex as brother and sister, not as a ‘prey’. It means that we treat them with such a respect and protect each other knowing that they are someone else’s future spouse. You know how you should treat them when you imagine that there is their future spouse besides them. You will not treat them as if they are yours anymore J Why should we maintain such a high and ‘weird’ standard? To avoid heart breaks. You’ll never know how far you have touched someone else’s heart unless you make it very clear about your true motive from the very beginning.
We often hear the “pull-give” strategy in many relationship tips. Yet I believe a sincere heart does not use such tricks. It is pretty much childish and toying one’s heart. Love is giving. Period. There is no such things as you give, then dissapear, appear, and gone again. A gentleman does not do such thing. A virtuous woman does not do that either. Consistency is a mark of your commitment. You cannot commit when you don’t even consistent in what you do. How can you stick with one person for your life-time when you can’t even stay? A woman heart is her all that she can ever give to someone. It is God’s gift, a beautiful thing, yet fragile. It has been known well that women tend to face more difficulty in recovering from heart breaks compared to men. How irresponsible it would be to touch someone’s life and live it away broken.
The greatest enemy of sincere love is often not hatred, yet pride. I believe that a love can only be succeed when each souls swallowed in their pride. Sometimes that may cause you to do ‘shameful’ thing for the sake of making your partner happy. Is it embarassing? No, I call it as sincerity J It is the one thing you need to win a woman’s heart in Godly way. Why sincerity and not money? Because sincerity is something that you cannot buy with money. I can tell you how irreplaceable two pair of eyes which stare and speak how deep you mean for them. I am not insane :p Some say that a player can make such kind of stare. But if you are smart enough, you can tell the difference and be honest with yourself J Your heart is so precious that it takes a hard work for a prince to woo, cherish, nurture, protect, and defend you. Never throw you heart away so cheaply to merely boys. It is so not worth it.
Then how can we build a pure friendship without romantic intention? Be friends and act as a friend. As simple as that. You should know the boundary between friends and ‘more than friends’. Do not open even a hole to make the boundary becomes blurry. It is better to go in a group. Guard you heart as well for not expecting more that what is seen now. Do not try to assume. Do not try to intrepret the meaning of every their action. There is one saying, “Do not call me a flirt when I am just being friendly. Do not call me obsessed when I am just in love.” Unless the word of ‘love’ spoken directly from his mouth, it is better not to assume anything. Just be friends.
I guess men are those who needs to make it clearly from the beginning about their intention and never let the women in confusion with mixed ‘signals’. Again, pull-give trick is not God’s recommended way for a man to pursue woman. Do you remember Jacob? He worked 14 years to win Rachel. Did he come and go when he wooed Rachel? No, he made it very clear that he loved her and wanted to marry her. Commitment from the very beginning creates a safety net in a relationship. We can rest safely knowing where it is heading to. Women need not to be afraid to be played on anymore. What if you are not sure that you will marry her? Then just be friends. A man does not deserve to touch a woman’s heart when he himself is in doubt.
I believe it is a miracle when finally a pure friendship can last eventually in true love. It is such a wonderful-beyond-words gift! But again, it has to be started with a pure motive. Are you a protector? Then guard the purity of every woman’s heart well. Treat them as your sisters. Are you a lady? Then wait patiently for the man to bring out his intention to you. Do not take initiative for it will rob out your gift of mystery. How precious are two souls that wait upon God’s timing and wait accordingly to His ways J God is interested more to make you holy than happy. For He knows exactly that holiness is the true happiness, while merely ‘happy’ now could lead to the lost of his wonderful gift, our hearts.
Here is a beautiful poem which describes the difference between friendship and love:
Friendship is when they gaze into your eyes and you know they care
Love is when they gaze into your eyes and it warms your heart
Friendship is being close even when you are far apart
Love is when you can still feel their hand on your heart when they are not near
Friendship is hoping that they experience the very best
Love is when you bring them the very best
Friendship occupies your mind
Love occupies your soul
Friendship is knowing that you will always try to be there when in need
Love is when you will give up everything to be at their side
Friendship is a warm smile in the winter
Love is a warming touch that sends a pulse through your heart
Love is a beautiful smile to which nothing compares
A tender laugh, which opens your heart
A single touch that melts away your fears
A smell that reminds you of the tenderness of heaven
A voice that reminds you of the innocence of youth
Friendship can survive without love
Love cannot live without friendship
Before you become a lover, be a best friend first. The one who has pure and unmixed motive is the one who deserves to win one’s heart. A hero. A protector. A prince.
I have been found by a prince named Jabrik, the sincerest man whom I ever met. Would you like to experience the same too? :) God's way always leads to God's best choice. And His taste is much better than ours ;)